So I’m laying in bed one morning, and my alarm goes off and so I’m listening to Rick Cluff on CBC Radio’s Early Edition, as was my morning ritual at the time and he starts to talk about an upcoming special week they are doing with a focus on home renovations, tips, horror stories, etc… all leading up to him announcing a contest – to write a poem or ditty about real experiences in home renovations. At the time, we lived in a 100 year old house that was in serious need of renovating and updating.  So he had my attention. Basically they wanted a short song or poem about renovating a home and it had to contain the words “Early” “Edition” and “Needle nose Pliers.” No Problem – I thought and as I was driving to work that morning I started thinking about it. The First thing that came into my head was Johnny Cash’s version of “Cocaine Blues” which starts off:

Early one morning while making the rounds

Well, that was my start, I worked on the song most of the morning, using the form of “Cocaine Blues” (which in itself is a reworking of an older song called “Little Sadie” You had to submit your entry over the phone so I sang it acapella onto their answering machine (And made apologies to Mr Cash for my performance and appropriation, though I’m sure Bob Dylan would approve)

Anyway, fast forward a week and Belle Puri is calling me, leaving a message on my answering machine – “We are happy to let you know that you WON the contest!” Which was awesome for a lot of reasons, we got a 3 hour consult with an interior design team and $500 of Ikea Gift cards! Whoo Hoo! So they played my recording on CBC Radio and then i got to discover how many of my friends also listened to CBC in the morning – a LOT! Anyway here are my lyrics to the Song, I’ll maybe get around to recording a version for your listening pleasure too.

 

Home Owner’s Blues

Early one morning while painting the stairs
Lynne scraped ’em really good just to show how much she cares
She pushed one hard and it broke in two
Lord! My little grandma could have fallen right through

Later that day as I tore ’em all down
I almost fell right over when I saw what I had found
those blasted beams were rotten too the core
my needle nose pliers ain’t gonna help me no more

And then my sweet wife, she whispered to me
“I hate that lousy stucco please remove it for me?”
I tore it to the ground and I stood and stared
“How did so much water ever get back there!”

So if you’re thinking of buying a home
A place to raise a family and to call your own
A word of warning man i walked in those shoes
Into the next edition of the Home Owner’s Blues

Come on Man you gotta take it from me
Lay off the renos and leave that stucco be!